This week, coming to you LIVE from the Lavender Room on the shores of Maggot Creek, it’s the NerdBurger Morning Show starring the Voice of Bacon: Crazy Mike, the Gangster of Gaming: CraigBag, and special in-studio guest: Turdy Turdleson!

Crows are making and using tools to eat, as seen from their ButtCams™.

Dude makes paperweights from his toenails and fingernails. Place your order asap... it takes a year for him to make one.

Monkey steals bus, hilarity ensues.

DJ locks self in studio, overplays Wham. And by "overplays" we mean many many times more than once.

Glow-in-the-dark shark. <science mic-drop... mic(roscope)-drop? never mind>

"Minor" traffic violations rewarded with $100 bills in rural Georgia.

Third World smartphone users will soon be unable to safely Google the meaning of "irony".

Idiot threatens younger idiot over Star Wars spoilers. Speaking of Star Wars spoilers, don't listen next week if you haven't seen the movie by then. If you haven't seen Star Wars by now, WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING ON THIS WEBSITE WITH NERD IN THE TITLE!?!?!? <Hat tip to Jim>

Who knew human urine could do this much damage to exterior siding?

Charlie Brown pleaded guilty after threatening to assassinate a local sheriff, among other crazy shit. His psychiatrist, Dr. van Pelt, was seen running away with a football and had no comment.